Better late than cleaver

So its been months and months since i blogged. Why? Who knows
Perhaps it just time drags you away and some things that should not
Be forgotten are.
I mostly use my iphone for everything now and find typing on it
A pain. (we celebtrate christmas with wolves in canada)
So this will be short and sorta sweet, i wish joy to all in this christmas season.

been a long time been a long time been a long....

I just stopped blogging and its like getting back to the gym after you stop .... damn near impossible.
In a strange way I feel guilty....  that little voice inside that say "see you can't do anything right"

boy I'm way behind

Well time has flown and I have not blogged much that's for sure. What's new? hmmmm
it's spring so that means tons of snow (check) the streets are dirty and muddy (check)
I have been doing circles just working at lowe's (check)
My life is a bit flat at the moment (check)
I don't know why I am checking these things (check)
Check with me later I'll let you know when I know.

If there were a DEADLINE

well I'd be six feet under in the blog world.
Here is a short summary............. been too busy to blog.
Oh isn't that exciting for being busy is a sure sign of being successful right? BULLCRAP!!!!
It just means your a whole lot more tired and missing the sweet things of life like family and friends. Oh but don't worry they will give you money for all that time and I am sure it will make up for it all, BULLCRAP!!!
As you can see I am in a bit of a cynical mood at the moment.
There are times when I a so aware of the absurdity of life and what we must do to just get by.
Yesterday was one of those days that felt like a ball of flaming stress thrown at me and it left me sleepless and uneasy all through today too.
I have trouble letting go of things and so it builds up in me and causes distress and anguish.
To finish this little packet of whine and worry at least I had a fantastic guitar session this afternoon!

bloggin on a sunday afternoon

Well it feels like spring here in Calgary but that can be deceiving. We often get another blast of winter in April or May (ya it sucks). In fact its one of the things about living here I find hardest to deal with.Let's face it the grass is greener else where for sure LOL.
I realize its been so long since I wandered in a forest or by a river or lake and felt the wind and sun on my face.
I've lost my connection to the wild and open places and the quiet peaceful countryside.
The painter in me wants to reconnect with the colours and sights and the poet wants to sit in silence and empty myself of the stress of  modern life.
I still feel so tired all the time when I am not working and have settled into a pattern of hazy lazy do nothingness.
It feels like adventure and wonder are gone for now and life is a bit dreary at times. I think one of the things about living in this place is much of the rest of the world gets spring allot earlier than we do and even our summers are too short, and then a short autumn and back into winter.
Part of what I am feeling today is what I call my "Sunday" feeling. Ever since I was young Sunday was the day I liked least of the seven days.I was made to go to church for many years and it became a huge part of my life.Sundays always felt like some form of prison and by the afternoon and evening I would feel this dread of the next week all over again.
When I was young Sundays were really different than today, no business was open and not that many restaurants even. Most of society in those days really did rest on Sunday. Perhaps it was that quiet slow pace that made me feel so restless I don't know but I have never come to enjoy Sundays to this day.
I am beginning to think I must have (or still do) suffer from some general anxiety disorder or something.
Well that's about all I have to say this Sunday afternoon.

found time to fit in a sketch

I call this one "Spanish Yellow" Obviously the top pic is before I colored it.

this part time work feels like it takes up all my time

So I am still enjoying my new job but it feels like I am at the store all the time. Instead of just having 3 shifts of 8 hours they break it down into these 4 or 5 hour shifts so you end up working more days and less hours in effect.
I am beginning to see the reality of this type of work and why these companies have such large turn over.
I want to maintain a positive attitude but some things of late are starting to nag at me a little.
I see that being a sales associate can mean you are everything from the cleaner ,the display installer, the special order and installation coordinator and before you have even finished all the "training" your left to watch the whole department and answer phones for your department and the neighboring department if they go on break.
What's really ironic is that when they tell you in the first few days of training " DON'T WORRY WE WON'T THROW YOU TO THE WOLVES" that is exactly what happens!!! I had a job a few years ago and was told the exact same words verbatim and you guessed it same thing. Sorry this blog turned into a bit of a bitch fest.
To top it all off a fellow employee starts telling me that the department I am in has had a turnover of some 30 people in a year and a half. Way to make me feel secure buddy!!.
Did I ever mention this job is a stepping stone for me to get back into the work I want? I guess you can see that is obvious now.
I have been and always will be a good employee, I show up early and do my job I am a team player and I am dedicated to what tasks are given yet I feel that some companies as soon as they perceive that you are good will load you down and push you past what is reasonable.
All this for a "part time" employee that is getting marginally better than minimum wage!
Well here is the positive spin to all this whining it motivates me to keep looking for a better job.
As the stepping stone begins to shrink you better find a way to get to safety.