paper mache, blizzards,focaccia bread,electric guitar and life

These are a few of my favourite things?  well maybe not the blizzards although there is a certain beauty to the wildness of a winter storm and after the spectacle of white everywhere after so I'll include that too.
I was feeling so beat and down the last few days after I heard I didn't get the latest job..... I have learnt to give in fully my feelings and really feel them, as much as it hurts and seems like weakness after I cry so hard I feel such a sense of relief...... the hangover of feelings and anger though lasted until Friday evening.
I have come out of those feeling not unlike this afternoon when the snow finally stopped and the sun came out in full force. Yesterday I had a sudden inspiration to make focaccia bread, so I whipped out all the ingredients .... lets see threw some flour into the mixing bowl I dunno maybe it was 3 cups not sure just eyeballed it the about 1/4 cup olive oil , about a 1/2 cup Parmesan cheese milk , a table spoon of baking powder,some powdered ,oregano,salt pepper , roasted red pepper and garlic seasoning and run some water from the tap into the bowl beat it all around with a spoon till it was like some sort of dough and fwapped it down on a back sheet on parchment paper..... over at 350 for about 25 and then basted some butter on it and back in for about 5 more. Well let me tell you it was FN OMG  good and I am not makin it up .... I am like a Kitchen savant at times .... by the way I don't use recipes and cook and bake by feeling and instinct..... I have never made focaccia bread before and this was bloody amazing.
Enough about that ..... so I finally got started on the new Christmas tree topper I am making for our tree this year ..... I am making a great snowman for the tree top ...... my wife loves snowmen and this one will be holding a star up above his head (as suggested by our son). I am making it out of paper mache and it is coming along very well. I will be sure to post a pic of it when it is done.
Today I had coffee with my older brother ... he and I worked together for a few months last year when I went out to work in the oil rigs ..... that's another story but .... I was glad to see him and had  a great time albeit short but we always laugh and enjoy each other..... seeing him and laughing made me feel so thankful to be alive ... to have this life .... life is great even though some of the valleys are low ... that's part of it and I am thankful because after a low often I have a great surge of creative energy and joy.
I have been playing guitar for over 30 years and my playing of recent has taken a quantum leap

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTkNtZMdDlw
This is a video from last January I posted on youtube.... the sound is a bit tinny but its the only one of me playing my guitar (keep in mind this is before the quantum leap LOL)
This evening I am very happy and thankful.... I look forward to a great new year coming and the slow and steady beginning of believing in myself and all my talents.....
To those of you stopping in thank you for encouragement and comments.
I wish everyone a wonderful holiday season and some moments of reflection that even though the storms may come life is a little more amazing when you make it through.
Joy to all of you.

I'm giving up

I cried and cried..... why did she give me hope why ?
and calls me a day late to say ..... sorry your not what we want .... the other guy is better
Fuck I am dejected and rejected ... fuck fuck fuck..... cry cry cry
I don't care anymore.... all they want to do is punish you call you in for interviews and treat you like shit!!!!!
fuck it all

I hurt..... so bad  so fucking bad

be free

a sketch and edit  I did awhile back

I am following myself

I didn't know one could follow themselves in the blog world..... good thing I gotta keep an eye on me to make sure I don't write anything bad about myself.
I would love to sit down and write one cohesive interesting thing.... 
Maybe next time.
I'm in a bit of the blahs right now.
Yet I am looking forward to christmas this year .... I just want one night of clear skies and bright starts thats all and maybe some forest and river to look up at it from that would be great oh and a big silvery moon too.

two recent paintings

these are  prints of the original gouache paintings .... I painted them for someone from some photos taken on a vacation. I was really pleased with how they turned out and so was she.

winter, and banff and other stuff

Well it is pretty much here (winter)   and it's ok .... so far.
Whats been going on ? hmmm well I had 3 job interviews this week
Enough about that ! .... I am feeling quite down about my job search and have had all these interviews but not getting hired.

What else..... playing my guitar and piano..... want to start another painting..... been writing lots of poems and such.
We went to banff last weekend....... it was our first wedding anniversary   yea!!

I took a bunch of pics with my phone .... here is one of the churches in banff ,as you can see there was no snow there that day. I like the old post card effect I got with the edit of this pic

was going to be a self portrait

it does kind of look like my head though