Well its official I got a part time job offer and will start a new job on Thursday. I am relieved to finally get something. I have not worked since last April,so I am looking forward to being back in the "world" so to speak.
2011 was one of the most difficult years for me in recent memory, 2012 already feels so much better.For any of you who have been unemployed for some time you know how much it messes with your self esteem and general state of mental health. I will be working in a retail setting , not what I am used to so I am both nervous and a little excited to be doing something new. I will be working for a large home improvement company called Lowes, they are based out of the united states and have been moving into the Canadian market.
I will be working in the plumbing department on a part time basis to start.
It will be a relief to have some money coming back in and to help out with things that way.
I also was at the doctor's office on Monday and things are improving with my various issues, that makes me feel glad too.
Today the sun is shinning so bright and I feel great...... life is one day at a time and that's the way I like it. To any of my readers (I know there are a few of you ) have a great day and be happy to be here .... I am happ you are!!!!
definate maybe
some times the cube speaks volumes
Tuesday, 31 January 2012
Saturday, 28 January 2012
a few tings
Well I see its time for me to blog again (he says as it sounds like a chore) It is not but I have not been into writing so much lately.
Thing are going well for them most part, I am most likely going to get a job offer on Monday and that is really good for me. I need to get myself back out into the work world. I say most likely but there is always a chance it won't come through, so until I have a firm offer its "a chance"
It is starting to get a bit warmer here and tomorrow the chinook winds are coming so its a forecast high of 12 C.
I had a great coffee time this morning listening to my favorite radio station CKUA they are a local Alberta radio station that is non commercial and they have such an awesome variety of music. Go to www.ckua.com and you can listen live anytime anywhere, check it out if you like everything from blues,roots jazz ,Celtic,folk, country,world, classical ,rock. Not like any other radio station.
I have discovered some of my favorite artists on CKUA.
Enough about that,Creatively I am sort of drifting at the moment no painting on the go ,not too many songs or poems. I feel fine but there is not a real fire in me at this time.
There are times when I feel like I need to say profound things of deep meaning however I spent allot of my life trying to unearth some of that stuff. I found mostly more holes dug than any mysterious spiritual treasure.
Who knows what tomorrow may bring? I will have to wait and see.
I was listening to a song by Jackie leven on youtube earlier this evening and afterwards sat down with my guitar I just realized that I said my creativity was drifting and I think it comes to me in small bursts of great playing like I did this evening.Those times I feel like I am somewhere else and the song just flows out. I need to remember to record it some time, so those songs go out to who knows where. They come from my heart and soul and I hope some angel out there is listening.
Thing are going well for them most part, I am most likely going to get a job offer on Monday and that is really good for me. I need to get myself back out into the work world. I say most likely but there is always a chance it won't come through, so until I have a firm offer its "a chance"
It is starting to get a bit warmer here and tomorrow the chinook winds are coming so its a forecast high of 12 C.
I had a great coffee time this morning listening to my favorite radio station CKUA they are a local Alberta radio station that is non commercial and they have such an awesome variety of music. Go to www.ckua.com and you can listen live anytime anywhere, check it out if you like everything from blues,roots jazz ,Celtic,folk, country,world, classical ,rock. Not like any other radio station.
I have discovered some of my favorite artists on CKUA.
Enough about that,Creatively I am sort of drifting at the moment no painting on the go ,not too many songs or poems. I feel fine but there is not a real fire in me at this time.
There are times when I feel like I need to say profound things of deep meaning however I spent allot of my life trying to unearth some of that stuff. I found mostly more holes dug than any mysterious spiritual treasure.
Who knows what tomorrow may bring? I will have to wait and see.
I was listening to a song by Jackie leven on youtube earlier this evening and afterwards sat down with my guitar I just realized that I said my creativity was drifting and I think it comes to me in small bursts of great playing like I did this evening.Those times I feel like I am somewhere else and the song just flows out. I need to remember to record it some time, so those songs go out to who knows where. They come from my heart and soul and I hope some angel out there is listening.
Tuesday, 17 January 2012
frickin cold
You know how the song goes ......"Well its 40 below and don't give a %$#% gotta heater in my truck and I'm off to the rodeo.
Its not quite 40 below only -30 C nothing to whine about.
In Canada were not supposed to complain about the cold and in fact this post is not really me complaining.
I am just stating a fact its frickin cold.
However when the mercury drops so low you don't do allot of outdoor activities unless you work in the oil patch and then you suffer .... oh god 12hrs of back breaking work in the cold, one short season of that was more than I could take.
So enough about the weather blah blah blah. My wife and I spent Saturday night up in banff again. We were there in November for our anniversary.
We are a bit banffed out now. don't get me wrong its beautiful there but we just didn't feel much of a connection this time.
There is not allot going on right now and that's OK I am feeling better than I have for a long time and content for now to be inside and warm.
For those of you in milder climates enjoy that!!! and for those of you in colder climates hang in there spring is only 5 months away and I hear summer is on July 14 this year.
Its not quite 40 below only -30 C nothing to whine about.
In Canada were not supposed to complain about the cold and in fact this post is not really me complaining.
I am just stating a fact its frickin cold.
However when the mercury drops so low you don't do allot of outdoor activities unless you work in the oil patch and then you suffer .... oh god 12hrs of back breaking work in the cold, one short season of that was more than I could take.
So enough about the weather blah blah blah. My wife and I spent Saturday night up in banff again. We were there in November for our anniversary.
We are a bit banffed out now. don't get me wrong its beautiful there but we just didn't feel much of a connection this time.
There is not allot going on right now and that's OK I am feeling better than I have for a long time and content for now to be inside and warm.
For those of you in milder climates enjoy that!!! and for those of you in colder climates hang in there spring is only 5 months away and I hear summer is on July 14 this year.
Thursday, 12 January 2012
its coming ....
In two days my birthday...... I have never been a real birthday kind of person.
I am a twin (fraternal) but none the less had to share my birthday. When I was a toddler my mom would make one cake and cut it in two and turn it on its side and made an igloo cake so me and my brother each had a cake. I understand we didn't have allot of money growing up so I can't really hold it against her. But call me a selfish little jerk if you want but I have never felt like I had a special day just for me.
I am way past the toddler stage (although my wife might disagree at times ) However my birthday has always been a let down........ this is my own fault...... I don't know how to truly celebrate myself or anyone for that matter. These days I am realising that there feels like a mountain of unresolved things from my past so much that at times I feel helpless to even do a thing about it.
Any way that all sounds bloody whiny so F that ..... I am starting some anti depressant medicine.
Here's to feeling good again soon and starting to live again
I am a twin (fraternal) but none the less had to share my birthday. When I was a toddler my mom would make one cake and cut it in two and turn it on its side and made an igloo cake so me and my brother each had a cake. I understand we didn't have allot of money growing up so I can't really hold it against her. But call me a selfish little jerk if you want but I have never felt like I had a special day just for me.
I am way past the toddler stage (although my wife might disagree at times ) However my birthday has always been a let down........ this is my own fault...... I don't know how to truly celebrate myself or anyone for that matter. These days I am realising that there feels like a mountain of unresolved things from my past so much that at times I feel helpless to even do a thing about it.
Any way that all sounds bloody whiny so F that ..... I am starting some anti depressant medicine.
Here's to feeling good again soon and starting to live again
Saturday, 7 January 2012
Thursday, 5 January 2012
A random page from my journals
So...... I write allot .... in journals.... with a fountain pen.
I write every day if I can.... some days it flows like water and some days its like a rusty pump jack and it takes everything just to get a few drops out.
I write my own brand of strange poems and thoughts... or maybe just what I observe.
I write what I hope will one day be songs for I am also a musician.
I have around 50 journals upstairs on the shelf..... I am going to grab one at random and type out the page.
Let's see what comes up...... flipping to a random page also.....
"There are other prisons though, thousands of them ,in the way we believe what society,the world,others say about us.We will go to the ends of the earth and ourselves to avoid disapproval. I myself have become so afraid of embarrassment that my my life has become so small, so compact,hiding when ever I can to avoid detection.This is classic impostor syndrome.My god we have all become experts at fragmentation,the ability to let you see just what we want ,a sliver of false self even.So much has come to depend on it,and then we come to our expectations. I have a definite list of unwritten expectations and when another does not meet them I feel anger and judgement..... back to things as they are....... people wear really pointy shoes these days,is it trying to get their point across? or a subconscious way of saying don't you get me! Who knows!
(in the margin) Once again I am certain clothes are our biggest visual grace.
Well that's how I wrote it some time in 2009
I write every day if I can.... some days it flows like water and some days its like a rusty pump jack and it takes everything just to get a few drops out.
I write my own brand of strange poems and thoughts... or maybe just what I observe.
I write what I hope will one day be songs for I am also a musician.
I have around 50 journals upstairs on the shelf..... I am going to grab one at random and type out the page.
Let's see what comes up...... flipping to a random page also.....
"There are other prisons though, thousands of them ,in the way we believe what society,the world,others say about us.We will go to the ends of the earth and ourselves to avoid disapproval. I myself have become so afraid of embarrassment that my my life has become so small, so compact,hiding when ever I can to avoid detection.This is classic impostor syndrome.My god we have all become experts at fragmentation,the ability to let you see just what we want ,a sliver of false self even.So much has come to depend on it,and then we come to our expectations. I have a definite list of unwritten expectations and when another does not meet them I feel anger and judgement..... back to things as they are....... people wear really pointy shoes these days,is it trying to get their point across? or a subconscious way of saying don't you get me! Who knows!
(in the margin) Once again I am certain clothes are our biggest visual grace.
Well that's how I wrote it some time in 2009
Sunday, 1 January 2012
a new year
2012 !!Well here it is.... I have been slacking on the blog front lately.
I always want to sit down and write some great stuff ..... well I was up until about 2 am this morning and so I don't have much NRG
We had a fun new years eve with some friends and family playing games and eating way way too much.
I am not hoping for any massive changes in this new year .... rather small daily baby steps towards a full creative, loving and content life.
Every day I will do my best to do the best I can Uh huh Uh huh Uh huh Uh huh.
Sorry always breaking into song.
I know none of us live a year .... we only have each day to live.
2011 had allot of difficulty for me.... depression ... anger... hurt ,worry, fear. and I know this year may hold more of the same. Only I have the choice in how to feel and think and in my mental and emotional response.
My hope is for more compassion to myself and others and a new attitude of self belief and positive action.
Even writing this I find myslef saying inside .... ya right your going to do that Ha. ....... I know down inside me is the inner voice of love ..... this near year, oh that I may hear it .
I always want to sit down and write some great stuff ..... well I was up until about 2 am this morning and so I don't have much NRG
We had a fun new years eve with some friends and family playing games and eating way way too much.
I am not hoping for any massive changes in this new year .... rather small daily baby steps towards a full creative, loving and content life.
Every day I will do my best to do the best I can Uh huh Uh huh Uh huh Uh huh.
Sorry always breaking into song.
I know none of us live a year .... we only have each day to live.
2011 had allot of difficulty for me.... depression ... anger... hurt ,worry, fear. and I know this year may hold more of the same. Only I have the choice in how to feel and think and in my mental and emotional response.
My hope is for more compassion to myself and others and a new attitude of self belief and positive action.
Even writing this I find myslef saying inside .... ya right your going to do that Ha. ....... I know down inside me is the inner voice of love ..... this near year, oh that I may hear it .
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