In two days my birthday...... I have never been a real birthday kind of person.
I am a twin (fraternal) but none the less had to share my birthday. When I was a toddler my mom would make one cake and cut it in two and turn it on its side and made an igloo cake so me and my brother each had a cake. I understand we didn't have allot of money growing up so I can't really hold it against her. But call me a selfish little jerk if you want but I have never felt like I had a special day just for me.
I am way past the toddler stage (although my wife might disagree at times ) However my birthday has always been a let down........ this is my own fault...... I don't know how to truly celebrate myself or anyone for that matter. These days I am realising that there feels like a mountain of unresolved things from my past so much that at times I feel helpless to even do a thing about it.
Any way that all sounds bloody whiny so F that ..... I am starting some anti depressant medicine.
Here's to feeling good again soon and starting to live again
Have you thought about talking to a therapist? I mean, I think their existence is pretty much pointless and I would never consult with one by my own free will, but I know people who say talking to them works.
ReplyDeleteI never celebrated my birthday and honestly, I never felt like I was missing out on something. I guess that's because my sister and I always got things all year round so it never bothered me. A birthday is just another day to remind me that I'm alive and made it another year (regardless of how bad I don't want to get any older, lol).
I also knew someone that took anti-depressant medicine and she was a really jolly and happy person until she forgot to take them... Then she was scary, lol. She was sweet nonetheless. Let me know how that works out for you and thanx for the comment :))
I second the therapist. I've always been a big fan of them, mostly because much of my undergraduate work was in counselling etc and I was taught not to be scared of them. It really is just a conversation :)
ReplyDeleteHugs you, here is to living again. And as for celebrating you, I think maybe you can start by letting others celebrate you on your birthday?