rain rain go away

We are going camping this weekend .... labour day long weekend..... so I just want it to be nice!
I love camping.... when it is nice ..... I don't like camping in the rain at all.
With one exception though ..... I do love watching rain fall on a still lake in the wilderness that is magical

All disjointed

I can't seem to bring myself to write in a consistent manner......I read other's blogs and they seem so coherent.
Mine are at best disjointed......
Clunky and certainly unsophisticated.
I do wonder why I write them at all?
Is it to get a small bit of connection to a greater world?
Does one need to go out into the blogosphere and canvas for readers to bring into his or her own little bubble?
I think we all want to feel we matter in a bigger picture context.......

I can't even finish off this blog with any umph so I'll just finish off.
oh one more thought before I go
in my youth I thought life would get easier as you progress forward...... now in my (oh god) middle age I feel a bit like old Sisyphus some days, and with all that rolling the stone imagine how disjointed he felt!

THE SMELL GOT ME

Oh it assaulted my sense of smell.... in a great way
I took the spike haired one to the amusement park today.
There is  it was smelling so good
COTTON CANDY
I was really never a big fan of it but I know I ate it as a kid (long time ago in a galaxy far far away)
I had to have some and ......... OMG MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
it melted in my mouth and I felt so alive for that moment and thought life has to be lived even when your a diabetic and not supposed to eat it. F U diabetes !!!!

There are no Big days really most of what happens in our short lives is forgotten but things like smells and tastes are in a way constant memory ,they live in us on a deeper level.
I need to be simply open to the simple pleasures of life and take each day as it comes for there is no other way in reality to live.

ps...... I am very soon going to undertake a new diet regime that will reverse my type 2 diabetes ... yes its a cure and not a gimmik...... check out the University of Newcastle England web site to see the "skinny" on this life changing diet http://www.ncl.ac.uk/press.office/press.release/item/diet-reverses-type-2-diabetes

middle of the road

Today feels like the middle of the road and that's OK.
The Taoist say not the right or the left so is must be a good thing
I talked briefly to our neighbour's father as he pulled up on the driveway.... not a usual event, then ran into him and his daughter (our neighbour) at the mall in the sears store..... believe me I never go to sears ever... only if I am on a mission to get someone pants for the school year ... so never would be once a year then. I take that as a synchronicity (yes I am always looking for them) And finding them too !!!! sometimes they just remind me to keep a close watch and stay moving forward.


I love the Asian supermarket they have the best stuff over there so many more items than a "regular" store and lots of colour and great different smells .... I love it. ya I was there too today
 I hate walmart.... I was there too
 I was at winners .... I am indifferent to winners
 I did 3 somewhat "emergency" plumbing jobs this week .... things happen in 3's it is said.
Yesterday I felt like for a short time I was in the "other" place ... its a place of pure love and peace and joy I have been there before , once for almost a whole day .....and when I am there I feel unlimited love for all that  I see....... I can't stay there ... just like we all can't hold onto any moment they must flow and we must learn that the best place other than the "other" is frankly the middle of the road

the time of confusion

I should know by now and that  is half the problem .... this wanting to know
I have seen it all come together in past times
I understand life is like a flowing river
All things come and go with the flow
I have been down before and came back up
non action , acceptance , Patience.
The more I struggle in the web of what is not known the more I am bound.
Letting go has never been easy for me.
The old ways of thinking loop again and again.
find the heart not the mind
feel feel feel
stop the unrelenting self beatings and quest to follow all the rules
never mind
breath breath breath
I hate feeling this way
see.

new book from the library and more synchronicity

Well I got a few new books out from the library .... yup they still have libraries.
This latest one I am mentioning is "The 7 Secrets of Synchronicity"
I am going to see if I can use all the synchronicity I have been seeing lately can help me change my life course and get into a line of work that I will enjoy.
A big part of being "down" has been all my fears around unemployment , age ,health and feeling "Useless"
Not working for almost 3 years (not including the 3 months this year which I really don't count) has left me with allot of anxiety over interviews and references and blah blah blah you know all that sort of thing.

Scrrrrreeech .... I am going to stop that line of poor me at the moment..... I feel good tonight and it always warms my heart to think people you don't "know" can stop by a blog and leave a comment and make you realize people care about one another even in a small way

Oh and in the above mentioned book there is a segment talking about a synchronicity around the movie kill bill which features  "A Samurai Chick "

headache , heartache

Just spent a week at the inlaw's "park model".... tenting in the back yard.... my head hurts..... my heart hurts
surprising that my back does not hurt sleeping on a half full air matress.
I got home and there is a jack hammer working outside the window.
I am lost inside myself these days .........so many feelings and I can't express them to anyone even my wife who I love!!!!


life just goes and goes
I am not tired of life
I am tired of not living

a whole lotta

We cannot imagine just how much digital content we are leaving behind. I can't write about that.
I can't write at all
FUCK